How to use biased questions to your advantage

The most biased questions I’ve confronted have led to some of the most lucrative opportunities. At a minimum, biased questions have provided an opportunity for me to build out a strategy that works for a Black woman in a predominantly white and male space.

The strategic power of asking questions is not always about getting answers, it’s about opening your mind and understanding different perspectives. Not only the different perspectives of those around us, but also challenging our own beliefs in order to fine-tune our own methods, assumptions, and worldview. It’s about making your own opinions better through the process of listening and learning from others as well as yourself. This has been pivotal to my success as an entrepreneur building out an innovative business model for the way Black and brown women access capital and social networks.

If you were a fly on the wall when my closest friends and I talk, you’d probably be astounded by the number of times I ask questions of myself mid-conversation. It’s a mix between a two-person conversation and a monologue. It might go something like this:

Me: I think I’m wearing red to the cocktail party tonight.

Friend: That’s cool. I’m going to wear black.

Me: That’s interesting. Why do people usually wear black to cocktail parties? Like, when did that become a thing?

Friend: I don’t know.

Me: Well, why do I want to wear red to a party when most people will wear black too?

Friend: It’ll make you stand out. Probably a good idea for networking.

Me: True. Still, though, I’m gonna go look up why people usually wear black to cocktail parties.

You might be getting dizzy just by the circular, seemingly nonsensical back-and-forth in that conversation, but that’s me. I ask questions and a lot of them. I know for sure that it has been a driver of not only my success, but also my creativity. I’m going to share some practical ways you can use the power of asking questions to strategize, negotiate, and level up your career or business aspirations.

When I talk about the power of asking questions, I am not only suggesting you question your attitudes, values, and beliefs, but I also am urging you to use shocking questions from others as a catalyst to create strategies and opportunities. That is what we will be focusing on: how to use biased questions to your advantage, how to use questions to creatively negotiate in the world of venture capital, and how questions can propel you forward or shut you out.

Girls at the age of 4 are the most curious; they ask on average 390 questions a day, according to the book, A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas by Warren Berger. That’s about 24 questions every hour of being awake! I am a mother of three, and I can remember my kids asking questions, such as “Why is water wet?” or “Is the roof on the house, the same as the ceiling in my room?” However, as we grow older, we tend to stop asking questions. We also do not take the time to interrogate the questions asked of us in order to grow in our personal and professional lives. This is a big mistake, especially for women business owners. As you will learn, there have been questions asked of me that have led to major wins for Black Girl Ventures.

Questions are especially valuable in networking situations where you do not know anyone. I know for sure that the one thing people like to do is talk about themselves. From the richest person in the world to the poorest person in the world, everyone wants space and permission to talk about themselves. Asking people questions permits them to talk about themselves to you. Use this to your advantage and lean into being inquisitive, even when it might feel uncomfortable. Equipped with the knowledge in this chapter [excerpted here from Bell’s book, Originate, Motivate, Innovate], you will have the tools to become better in a room full of high-powered CEOs, become a better negotiator, and become a better business strategist.

During the process of writing this book, a client asked me if I ever feel nervous when I am in rooms with other CEOs of major corporations or investors from Fortune 500 companies. My response was this: “Yes, I feel nervous like anyone else would, especially being the only one or one of the few Black women in these rooms.” 

When my client asked me how I overcome this fear, I told her that I’ve trained myself to focus on what I have in common with people. Additionally, I remind myself why I was invited to the room in the first place. Going into situations where you might feel nervous or intimidated is something every woman of color will experience in the financial capital industry as you climb the ladder and get more and more access. 

I remember being invited for the first time to a yearly networking event for companies that have a certain profit margin. This was my first time being invited to this particular event, and I remember going back and forth on what I was going to wear. I spent so much time trying to figure out what to wear to this event that a good friend of mine hit the pause button for me. She said, “Look, you’re nervous, but there isn’t anything to be nervous about. You already got invited. You’re going to be in the room, so what difference does what you wear make?” She was right, and that’s why whenever I start to feel what we call imposter syndrome kick in, I remind myself of all the wins and accomplishments I’ve amassed. 

You have to activate positive self-talk when you start to feel as if you shouldn’t be in certain environments that signify status. You deserve to be there; otherwise, you wouldn’t be invited in the first place. The next time you feel nervous or intimidated in a room full of investors or star power, take a moment to engage in positive self-talk, reminding yourself of all the wins that lead to this moment. That is what I did then, and that is what I do now, should I start to doubt myself. Now the question is, How do you work the room with people whom you look up to or feel intimidated by? The answer to this question is to focus on finding commonality between yourself and the person(s) you’re talking to.

Shelly “Omi” Bell, is a serial entrepreneur, the founder and CEO of Black Girls Ventures Foundation, and the author of Originate, Motivate, Innovate: 7 Steps for Building a Billion Dollar Network.

Excerpted with permission from Originate, Motivate, Innovate: 7 Steps for Building a Billion Dollar Network, available this May.